Last night, I started seeing #MERIT14 tweets before I had even seen the official (internal) list of who was invited to be in the 2014 MERIT cohort.
The entire application and selection process is a bit of a mystical art-science, really. I wanted to write a quick blog post to address the excitement and disappointment inherent in the days that follow the announcements.
With that in mind, here's a little Q&A.
Q: How do you decide who gets in?
A: We don't, really. We use a number of factors to rank the applicants and then we cut up that ranking into accepted, waitlisted, and not accepted.
Q: What factors are considered?
A: First, we obtain a raw score based on responses to the long-answer questions on the application. The raw score is based on an aggregation of scores from a large number of scorers from our MERIT faculty team and former (usually most recent or two most recent) cohort members. We get several people to score each question's responses from ALL applicants. We then use that data (which I believe is very fairly obtained) to get the raw score.
From there, we have points for all sorts of things: principal recommendation, attended an info session, previous relationship with KCI, applying as a team, etc. Now we rank the folks based on the new adjusted score from highest to lowest. We have an initial cut-off somewhere after the top 20 or so. For the next 20 to 40 people below that first threshold, we have to consider a bunch more factors.
We try to maintain a balance of participants from different types of schools and districts serving different students. We look to have a balance of grade levels. Sometimes we have to consider specific donor requirements on how their funds are used.
What the process IS NOT is PERSONAL. We can only accept about 40 to 45 people. When there are a hundred amazing applicants, some have to be turned away.
Q: How can I have a better chance of getting in next year if I was not accepted this year?
A: First and foremost, focus on your students. It is SO not about you, the teacher. Your focus comes through in your responses. So to start off with a strong raw score, make sure you truly address what the questions ask, with a student-centered focus, and keep to the word counts. Also, SERIOUSLY, proofread. Spelling and grammar mistakes affect the reader's perception of your ideas. Period. And that question where we give you a chance to tell us about yourself? Do it. FREE. POINTS.
Beyond that, make sure your principal is able to highly recommend you with absolutely no reservations. Come to an info session before the application is due. Don't finish the application at the last minute. (We don't consider WHEN you submitted, but we all know that rushed work is seldom our best.) Consider applying as part of a team if you didn't before. Learn a lot about the program so you know what you'd be getting into.
And be understanding when we can't accept everyone. Your attitude on that front goes a long way.
While you're waiting for next year's application window, what can you do to better prepare yourself for a future MERIT experience? PD out the wazoo. EdCamps, PlayDates, and local events (free and cheap, especially) are a great places to start. Catch the self-directed PD bug. Don't wait for a personal invite. Sacrifice some Saturdays if you can to attend local educator-run professional development and you'll meet a lot of people who are in or have gone through the MERIT program. What better way to understand what it's all about than to spend time talking with people who've been there?
Join your local CUE affiliate or similar organization so you can keep updated on what goes on in the EdTech world where we live. Get on Twitter and follow #MERIT13, #MERIT14, and #CAedchat.
That's what I would do if I wanted to make myself a stronger candidate for a future MERIT cohort.
Sunday, March 02, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Two, no three, no FOUR things that happened today to keep me loving my job
As I was getting ready to leave work today, a little early as I needed to pick up my son and get home to prepare for the first meeting of an online class I'm teaching, a really cool thing happened. I ended up walking out of the building like I was walking on a rainbow. It was just one of those things that happens that reminds you why you became a teacher, you know?
I want to tell you ALL about it. I thought to myself, "That was so amazing! Who can I tell?!?!" And then I realized I had two cool things like that happen today. No wait, three. Hang on, FOUR. So now I will tell YOU, blogosphere, about the four things that happened today that made me just LOVE what I do. *Names are changed to protect the identities of the awesome.
1. We've had a little bit of a rocky start getting going with MinecraftEDU in my Digital World class. Myriad technical difficulties meant it took us quite a few days to get everyone in the game together. And several of the students just really aren't into gaming at all, or Minecraft specifically. One of those students is Leslie*. She told me she wasn't loving it, but she wasn't ill-mannered about it. She expressed her frustration with the technical glitches and the challenges inherent in the gameplay itself with a polite exasperation in her voice. I told her it was really okay not to like it, and that I respected her honesty and willingness to trudge through it anyway.
Today something really fun happened. Leslie started investigating what her Minecraft lesson would be, she started experimenting and reading the Minecraft Wiki to come up with a topic to teach the rest of us. She stumbled across animals and I gave her some materials to start building a pen to contain her Mooshrooms (they're like cows with mushrooms on them . . . I don't get it either). Squeals of delight soon followed. And then I heard Leslie chastising a Mooshroom that had somehow escaped her enclosure. And she was really having fun and rising to the challenge, and my heart melted a little. Here was this young person who had gone from "I don't think I can do this" to "Hey, this is fun, and I am enjoying this, and I can handle the challenge" in a matter of moments, literally right before my eyes. (She was sitting directly across from me.)
2. Later this morning, as I sat at my desk, working away on my computer, I heard, as I often do, an English class on the other side of my wall. (Background info: two of my walls actually have doors that are no longer doors in them, between me and two neighboring English classrooms.) The discussions, orations, speeches, recitations, and game playing in the class next door frequently get loud enough for me to hear clearly. I don't mind, because I can tell that teacher has got some amazing, fun, student-centered learning going on in there. At this moment, though, I heard a young woman clearly sharing her opinion of a "vicious cycle" in life. (Understand that I work in an expensive, private independent high school where students are often pushed to achieve by everyone in their lives.)
She described how it seems like everyone just works like mad to get fantastic grades so they can get into the absolute perfect (read: Ivy League) college, so they can score a high-paying job, just so they can repeat the cycle for their own children. Even if that means denying their children a chance to do something they truly love and want to do. So I hopped out of my seat, scurried to the door, quickly opened the door to the classroom, stuck my head in and told them I could hear what she said from next door, and I thought it was AWESOME. Then I ducked out, came back with one of my baskets of candy, and offered some to the young lady who had been talking. Then I told the kids to pass it around, saying they could have candy too . . . if they agreed with her. And I told them to tell their friends, tell their parents, tell their friends' parents, tell their parents' friends. This girl's message was spot on. Then I went back to my office and tweeted about it. #CrazyThingIDid
3. This week is Japan Week and the Japanese National Honor Society has some fun foods and activities planned for each day of the week. Today, it was Japanese calligraphy outside our dining hall. As I walked out, one of my colleagues who teaches Japanese motioned me to come over and have a try. The students who were teaching us how to make the characters were super friendly and helpful, and I was instantly proud of this single incident, one of MANY at my school, that gives our young people a chance to shine and reach out to the rest of our school community.
I chose to paint the Kanji character for "love" and I did a halfway decent job. My teacher (a student) praised me, and my colleague who had encouraged me to try congratulated me on a job well done. That felt nice. But what happened next was really cool. On the walk back to my office, as I gingerly held my parchment with its ink still drying, someone opened and held open a door for me (which I am totally used to now at my school -- they all do it!), and then I passed two students I know sitting on the hallway floor, and they immediately identified my character as "love." They complimented my work, and a young man passed by, a student I do not know at all, and he said, "That's some great work! You should hang it." Gosh, I love these kids.
4. So my day was going really well, but I had to end it early at around 3:00. As I went to recycle a soda can, I stopped in to chat with a colleague, passing Douglas* along the way. When I returned to my office, all set to pack up my computer and take off, Douglas was waiting outside my office. Now, you need to know that Douglas doesn't talk much. Doesn't smile much. Doesn't even make eye contact sometimes. But the past few days in class, we've been playing Minecraft and he's been smiling, laughing, helping two or three classmates within the game. I've felt really happy for him because it seems like school isn't a drag for a change. Since Douglas seemed to be reading the Analog Blog Wall outside my office door, I asked him if he was just hanging out or was waiting to see me.
He was there to see me, so we stepped into my office. He had a question about the Minecraft teaching assignment; he wanted clarification of what needed to be done. And then he asked me some specific questions about how certain things might work in the game, and he came up with a really cool idea for something he could create in the game and then tell people how he did it. It was a completely original and extremely creative idea, and I was really impressed with the thought process he used to arrive at his idea. (I'm not going to share it here, because we want to surprise the class.) I told Douglas I really liked the way he thought, and I was super impressed with his creativity. He smiled, and looked kind of embarrassed, really. If I didn't think he'd slug me one, I'd have hugged the child.
Now, granted, I have looked online, and it seems like some people have already come up with similar ideas that work differently. That's not surprising. What I especially liked with Douglas was how outside-the-box he was thinking, and how he wasn't just relying on a quick fix to get the assignment completed. He walked away knowing he would need to experiment, try out materials, communicate with me while I'm away to get him some of the stuff he'll need for his construction, and be willing to try, fail, and repeat until he found just the right solution. And I feel really great about the sense of ownership he seems to have adopted with this.
So, when educators get frustrated and want to throw in the towel, I totally get it. But I also want them to think of these everyday interactions -- we all have them from time to time -- that are so uplifting, and are really simple yet not mundane. Students getting over obstacles, giving something a chance, challenging the status quo, encouraging their teachers and each other, being willing to put themselves in the teaching role, checking in with us, looking to us for guidance, and getting a little awkward when we remind them how amazing they are. These kinds of things may happen every day, but they're not really "everyday" occurrences. And they might not have the immense impact they do if there weren't a teacher there in the moment to enjoy it, to receive it, to notice it, to embrace it. I feel absolutely privileged to have been allowed to share in each of these four "moments" today. May I just stay awake and aware enough to notice them so vividly every day.
I want to tell you ALL about it. I thought to myself, "That was so amazing! Who can I tell?!?!" And then I realized I had two cool things like that happen today. No wait, three. Hang on, FOUR. So now I will tell YOU, blogosphere, about the four things that happened today that made me just LOVE what I do. *Names are changed to protect the identities of the awesome.
1. We've had a little bit of a rocky start getting going with MinecraftEDU in my Digital World class. Myriad technical difficulties meant it took us quite a few days to get everyone in the game together. And several of the students just really aren't into gaming at all, or Minecraft specifically. One of those students is Leslie*. She told me she wasn't loving it, but she wasn't ill-mannered about it. She expressed her frustration with the technical glitches and the challenges inherent in the gameplay itself with a polite exasperation in her voice. I told her it was really okay not to like it, and that I respected her honesty and willingness to trudge through it anyway.
Today something really fun happened. Leslie started investigating what her Minecraft lesson would be, she started experimenting and reading the Minecraft Wiki to come up with a topic to teach the rest of us. She stumbled across animals and I gave her some materials to start building a pen to contain her Mooshrooms (they're like cows with mushrooms on them . . . I don't get it either). Squeals of delight soon followed. And then I heard Leslie chastising a Mooshroom that had somehow escaped her enclosure. And she was really having fun and rising to the challenge, and my heart melted a little. Here was this young person who had gone from "I don't think I can do this" to "Hey, this is fun, and I am enjoying this, and I can handle the challenge" in a matter of moments, literally right before my eyes. (She was sitting directly across from me.)
2. Later this morning, as I sat at my desk, working away on my computer, I heard, as I often do, an English class on the other side of my wall. (Background info: two of my walls actually have doors that are no longer doors in them, between me and two neighboring English classrooms.) The discussions, orations, speeches, recitations, and game playing in the class next door frequently get loud enough for me to hear clearly. I don't mind, because I can tell that teacher has got some amazing, fun, student-centered learning going on in there. At this moment, though, I heard a young woman clearly sharing her opinion of a "vicious cycle" in life. (Understand that I work in an expensive, private independent high school where students are often pushed to achieve by everyone in their lives.)
She described how it seems like everyone just works like mad to get fantastic grades so they can get into the absolute perfect (read: Ivy League) college, so they can score a high-paying job, just so they can repeat the cycle for their own children. Even if that means denying their children a chance to do something they truly love and want to do. So I hopped out of my seat, scurried to the door, quickly opened the door to the classroom, stuck my head in and told them I could hear what she said from next door, and I thought it was AWESOME. Then I ducked out, came back with one of my baskets of candy, and offered some to the young lady who had been talking. Then I told the kids to pass it around, saying they could have candy too . . . if they agreed with her. And I told them to tell their friends, tell their parents, tell their friends' parents, tell their parents' friends. This girl's message was spot on. Then I went back to my office and tweeted about it. #CrazyThingIDid
3. This week is Japan Week and the Japanese National Honor Society has some fun foods and activities planned for each day of the week. Today, it was Japanese calligraphy outside our dining hall. As I walked out, one of my colleagues who teaches Japanese motioned me to come over and have a try. The students who were teaching us how to make the characters were super friendly and helpful, and I was instantly proud of this single incident, one of MANY at my school, that gives our young people a chance to shine and reach out to the rest of our school community.
I chose to paint the Kanji character for "love" and I did a halfway decent job. My teacher (a student) praised me, and my colleague who had encouraged me to try congratulated me on a job well done. That felt nice. But what happened next was really cool. On the walk back to my office, as I gingerly held my parchment with its ink still drying, someone opened and held open a door for me (which I am totally used to now at my school -- they all do it!), and then I passed two students I know sitting on the hallway floor, and they immediately identified my character as "love." They complimented my work, and a young man passed by, a student I do not know at all, and he said, "That's some great work! You should hang it." Gosh, I love these kids.
4. So my day was going really well, but I had to end it early at around 3:00. As I went to recycle a soda can, I stopped in to chat with a colleague, passing Douglas* along the way. When I returned to my office, all set to pack up my computer and take off, Douglas was waiting outside my office. Now, you need to know that Douglas doesn't talk much. Doesn't smile much. Doesn't even make eye contact sometimes. But the past few days in class, we've been playing Minecraft and he's been smiling, laughing, helping two or three classmates within the game. I've felt really happy for him because it seems like school isn't a drag for a change. Since Douglas seemed to be reading the Analog Blog Wall outside my office door, I asked him if he was just hanging out or was waiting to see me.
He was there to see me, so we stepped into my office. He had a question about the Minecraft teaching assignment; he wanted clarification of what needed to be done. And then he asked me some specific questions about how certain things might work in the game, and he came up with a really cool idea for something he could create in the game and then tell people how he did it. It was a completely original and extremely creative idea, and I was really impressed with the thought process he used to arrive at his idea. (I'm not going to share it here, because we want to surprise the class.) I told Douglas I really liked the way he thought, and I was super impressed with his creativity. He smiled, and looked kind of embarrassed, really. If I didn't think he'd slug me one, I'd have hugged the child.
Now, granted, I have looked online, and it seems like some people have already come up with similar ideas that work differently. That's not surprising. What I especially liked with Douglas was how outside-the-box he was thinking, and how he wasn't just relying on a quick fix to get the assignment completed. He walked away knowing he would need to experiment, try out materials, communicate with me while I'm away to get him some of the stuff he'll need for his construction, and be willing to try, fail, and repeat until he found just the right solution. And I feel really great about the sense of ownership he seems to have adopted with this.
So, when educators get frustrated and want to throw in the towel, I totally get it. But I also want them to think of these everyday interactions -- we all have them from time to time -- that are so uplifting, and are really simple yet not mundane. Students getting over obstacles, giving something a chance, challenging the status quo, encouraging their teachers and each other, being willing to put themselves in the teaching role, checking in with us, looking to us for guidance, and getting a little awkward when we remind them how amazing they are. These kinds of things may happen every day, but they're not really "everyday" occurrences. And they might not have the immense impact they do if there weren't a teacher there in the moment to enjoy it, to receive it, to notice it, to embrace it. I feel absolutely privileged to have been allowed to share in each of these four "moments" today. May I just stay awake and aware enough to notice them so vividly every day.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
To Block or Not To Block: Students' Views on Internet Filters
Recently, my students (mostly sophomores and a few seniors) in Digital World had an in-class writing assignment, and the final prompt they had to respond to was as follows:
"Here at Harker, especially at the upper school, we don’t block as many things on the Internet as other schools do. (Facebook and YouTube, for example.) Sometimes, we get parents, teachers, and even students telling us they think we should block more websites so that students can’t use them here. What do you think? Do you feel there are any sites that should be blocked? Why or why not?"
I got a lot of great responses. Here are some excerpts:
"I feel that these sites shouldn’t be blocked. Harker students, as a whole, are much more responsible than their counterparts at other schools and have a heightened degree of trust in their relationship with the faculty. Preventing us from accessing these sites would say that the administration doesn’t trust us, weakening our relationship and sending us all the wrong signals. Why should students be expected to be responsible when the faculty/parents can’t even trust the students to pay attention during class. Furthermore, Students should have access to these materials because we often have plenty of free time during school hours to use these websites and they are even sometimes necessary for class. I’m not sure of any additional/current sites that should be blocked, but I believe that a lot of the “uncategorized” sites that are blocked can make it more difficult when I’m conducting research for school projects."
"I don’t think that Harker should block social networking sites. If you think about the students’ future -college- they aren’t going to have these sites blocked. The students need to learn to manage their time appropriately. If sites are inappropriate or illegal to view, then yes they should be blocked."
"I think that everyone on campus is given a time in the day where they have a forty five minute break or even an hour break to use the time as they please, and if they were to use it trying to message a friend or shop online I think they should be given the chance to do so. I do not think these websites should be blocked because everyone on campus is old enough and mature enough to know when the appropriate time to use those sites are."
"There are obvious websites that should be blocked but social media and others like facebook should not blocked; permanently at least. Websites like facebook should only be blocked when a student is in class, not during their free time."
"I think we should stop blocking uncategorized sites. Many times, it’s difficult to access a useful site because of the Harker filters. While I understand the means for a filter, it’s not going to help us- students will find a way to procrastinate and not do work, regardless if they are using their laptops, the internet or not. People have not done work long ago, and procrastination has simply evolved from a doodle in the margins to a status update on Twitter. I love the amount of access we are given- it symbolizes a trust between the departments and students. I think that we should remove the filters entirely, with the exception of pornography, for obvious reasons."
"I think that sites shouldn’t be blocked at the upper school. At the middle school, everything and anything that was distracting on the internet would lead you to a blocked page. But at the upper school, I think it’s important for the school to give the students freedom and responsibility to manage what they’re looking at online. What websites and what they do online is the student’s choice and responsibility and it shouldn’t concern parents or teachers as much as it seems to. In spare time, as well, it’s nice for students to be able to go online and give themselves a break by doing whatever they want."
"I believe that Harker has a decent system of blocking websites at the Upper School. However, there are times in chemistry when I am doing research, and the school blocks me. I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask the librarians for permission to go on a learning website. I understand that it’s difficult to filter each individual site, but I’m sure it could be improved."
"After the placement of the barracuda web filter, many more websites got blocked by the school. Even websites that could be useful were blocked to students if they were “uncategorized”. However some websites that should have been blocked were not. I have seen students looking up unruly things on google and being able to access them, however if I try to search up a slang word that I don’t know on urbandictionary.com, it is blocked for adult content. I feel as if there are already too many restraints on what we can or cannot view here, and I do not believe that there should be any more."
"I think we should block less websites because there is really no purpose in blocking anything. Judgement based on time and place should be used in terms of going on websites in school time. The only websites that should be blocked are ones that could potentially introduce viruses to individual computers and the wifi network."
"I don’t think many sites should be blocked unless it’s porn. Everything else like games shouldn’t be blocked because isn’t Harker all pro-stress relief and sometimes these games aren’t stressful? http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/casanova.htm This happens to be one of my favorite games to play when I’m stressed out and it’s blocked here at Harker where most of my stressing-of-the-outing is. If we can read news articles about what violence is going on in Afghanistan and Syria, then I think we should be able to play a few relaxing games. Of course, during classes I can understand how these can be distracting however, if you have a free period and you’re on the edge of doing something really destructive or mean to another person or thing, I think you should be able to play a game about a giraffe stretching his or her neck to kiss other giraffes."
"I feel like this is a good thing that many sites are unlocked, as it leaves the decision to be distracted upon the student, rather than the parents. It allows for more freedom of thought and expression while still allowing for focused study."
"I think that Harker should not have to block any websites because they should trust the students to do what is right. I know that this is a radical idea, but Harker does base a lot of trust in their students already and we should be trusted with the simple task of using the internet responsibly. Harker seems to already trust the students because they do not block sites such as Facebook or YouTube. In addition, these sites can be used as learning and communication tools for students."
"I feel that other than the obviously inappropriate “adult” sites, Harker should not block websites, especially not Facebook or YouTube. I actually find these two sites to be relatively beneficial to my education and school experience. Because I don’t have a phone, Facebook is extremely useful in terms of communicating with fellow students about assignments and classes. YouTube, if used properly, can be a great learning tool and source of information. If a student is distracted by such websites during class, to the point where the teacher can notice, Harker policy allows a teacher to assign detention to a student who is on these websites during class. While outside of class, such as lunch or free period, I believe that Harker should allow students to explore appropriate internet content freely."
What about you? What do you think? I'd love to share your thoughts and your reactions to my students' ideas with them.
"Here at Harker, especially at the upper school, we don’t block as many things on the Internet as other schools do. (Facebook and YouTube, for example.) Sometimes, we get parents, teachers, and even students telling us they think we should block more websites so that students can’t use them here. What do you think? Do you feel there are any sites that should be blocked? Why or why not?"
I got a lot of great responses. Here are some excerpts:
"I feel that these sites shouldn’t be blocked. Harker students, as a whole, are much more responsible than their counterparts at other schools and have a heightened degree of trust in their relationship with the faculty. Preventing us from accessing these sites would say that the administration doesn’t trust us, weakening our relationship and sending us all the wrong signals. Why should students be expected to be responsible when the faculty/parents can’t even trust the students to pay attention during class. Furthermore, Students should have access to these materials because we often have plenty of free time during school hours to use these websites and they are even sometimes necessary for class. I’m not sure of any additional/current sites that should be blocked, but I believe that a lot of the “uncategorized” sites that are blocked can make it more difficult when I’m conducting research for school projects."
"I don’t think that Harker should block social networking sites. If you think about the students’ future -college- they aren’t going to have these sites blocked. The students need to learn to manage their time appropriately. If sites are inappropriate or illegal to view, then yes they should be blocked."
"I think that everyone on campus is given a time in the day where they have a forty five minute break or even an hour break to use the time as they please, and if they were to use it trying to message a friend or shop online I think they should be given the chance to do so. I do not think these websites should be blocked because everyone on campus is old enough and mature enough to know when the appropriate time to use those sites are."
"There are obvious websites that should be blocked but social media and others like facebook should not blocked; permanently at least. Websites like facebook should only be blocked when a student is in class, not during their free time."
"I think we should stop blocking uncategorized sites. Many times, it’s difficult to access a useful site because of the Harker filters. While I understand the means for a filter, it’s not going to help us- students will find a way to procrastinate and not do work, regardless if they are using their laptops, the internet or not. People have not done work long ago, and procrastination has simply evolved from a doodle in the margins to a status update on Twitter. I love the amount of access we are given- it symbolizes a trust between the departments and students. I think that we should remove the filters entirely, with the exception of pornography, for obvious reasons."
"I think that sites shouldn’t be blocked at the upper school. At the middle school, everything and anything that was distracting on the internet would lead you to a blocked page. But at the upper school, I think it’s important for the school to give the students freedom and responsibility to manage what they’re looking at online. What websites and what they do online is the student’s choice and responsibility and it shouldn’t concern parents or teachers as much as it seems to. In spare time, as well, it’s nice for students to be able to go online and give themselves a break by doing whatever they want."
"I believe that Harker has a decent system of blocking websites at the Upper School. However, there are times in chemistry when I am doing research, and the school blocks me. I feel like I shouldn’t have to ask the librarians for permission to go on a learning website. I understand that it’s difficult to filter each individual site, but I’m sure it could be improved."
"After the placement of the barracuda web filter, many more websites got blocked by the school. Even websites that could be useful were blocked to students if they were “uncategorized”. However some websites that should have been blocked were not. I have seen students looking up unruly things on google and being able to access them, however if I try to search up a slang word that I don’t know on urbandictionary.com, it is blocked for adult content. I feel as if there are already too many restraints on what we can or cannot view here, and I do not believe that there should be any more."
"I think we should block less websites because there is really no purpose in blocking anything. Judgement based on time and place should be used in terms of going on websites in school time. The only websites that should be blocked are ones that could potentially introduce viruses to individual computers and the wifi network."
"I don’t think many sites should be blocked unless it’s porn. Everything else like games shouldn’t be blocked because isn’t Harker all pro-stress relief and sometimes these games aren’t stressful? http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/casanova.htm This happens to be one of my favorite games to play when I’m stressed out and it’s blocked here at Harker where most of my stressing-of-the-outing is. If we can read news articles about what violence is going on in Afghanistan and Syria, then I think we should be able to play a few relaxing games. Of course, during classes I can understand how these can be distracting however, if you have a free period and you’re on the edge of doing something really destructive or mean to another person or thing, I think you should be able to play a game about a giraffe stretching his or her neck to kiss other giraffes."
"I feel like this is a good thing that many sites are unlocked, as it leaves the decision to be distracted upon the student, rather than the parents. It allows for more freedom of thought and expression while still allowing for focused study."
"I think that Harker should not have to block any websites because they should trust the students to do what is right. I know that this is a radical idea, but Harker does base a lot of trust in their students already and we should be trusted with the simple task of using the internet responsibly. Harker seems to already trust the students because they do not block sites such as Facebook or YouTube. In addition, these sites can be used as learning and communication tools for students."
"I feel that other than the obviously inappropriate “adult” sites, Harker should not block websites, especially not Facebook or YouTube. I actually find these two sites to be relatively beneficial to my education and school experience. Because I don’t have a phone, Facebook is extremely useful in terms of communicating with fellow students about assignments and classes. YouTube, if used properly, can be a great learning tool and source of information. If a student is distracted by such websites during class, to the point where the teacher can notice, Harker policy allows a teacher to assign detention to a student who is on these websites during class. While outside of class, such as lunch or free period, I believe that Harker should allow students to explore appropriate internet content freely."
What about you? What do you think? I'd love to share your thoughts and your reactions to my students' ideas with them.
Sunday, January 26, 2014
What students say when they think we're not listening...
Who am I kidding? I believe they don't think we EVER listen. And some of the quotes I share later will prove it.
Let me back up and explain a little first. This morning, I saw "Miss Night" (@happycampergirl on Twitter) share a number of deep thoughts in quick succession. They caught my eye, so I looked more closely at her tweets and saw what was unfolding around her, in a coffee shop in Canada.
Here was her first tweet on the subject:
"Coffeeshop. Eavedropping on HS students discussing what makes a great teacher. FASCINATING. #edchat"
And then the things they started to say. Oh my. Mind = blown. Turns out these two kids were about 16, probably high school juniors. No adult was leading the conversation. They were just sharing what they thought about school, teachers, and the education system in general. Below, I give their exact words (as recorded by Amy Night), followed at times by my own commentary in italics.
1. "A good teacher is proud of me, FOR me, not proud of me because it makes him look good."
2. "I don't care if a teacher is tough, as long as I know she cares about me."
3. "I want a teacher to say 'Yes, I will help you do great things,' not 'You will do great things because I said so.'"
4. "I want to be at a school where, even a teacher who has never taught me will help me if I ask."
5. "It is not okay for teachers to use us to make themselves look good."
6. "I don't want to be babied. I don't want to be spoon-fed. I want to be CARED about, and ready for the real world."
What's that old line? People don't care how much you know as much as they want to know how much you care? We've all been there, adults. We were teens once too. And we wondered, at times, who cared about our problems, who cared about our feelings, and who cared about our dreams. Those things haven't changed.
7. "If I want to do something hard, I want my teacher to believe I can do the hard thing, and help me to do it, not tell me I can't."
8. "My teachers should know me well enough to KNOW if my work is my best."
9. "I feel like I deserve more than one chance to master something. It should mean something that I WANT to try again."
10. "Shouldn't individual student success matter more than making the school look good on paper?"
11. "It is not okay for a teacher to give a test with questions about things we have never covered in class. That's an ambush."
So what I'm hearing here is that students really want to do good work. They want to know what we're expecting, and they want enough chances to get it right. These kids also seem to be battling something where they go to school, whether it's real or perceived, regarding their successes or failures being credited to (or maybe blamed on) their teachers.
12. "I will work a lot harder for a teacher who cares if she can tell I've been crying."
This just made me sad. But it's true. They can be emotional wrecks at this age. They don't always know how to handle all the stuff going on in their lives. And often, we adults (parents, teachers, et al.) don't help with all our own drama we push onto them. Sometimes, it's okay to just stop the school machine and ask what's wrong.
13. "If I get a good mark, I should feel like I LEARNED something, you know? Otherwise I feel like I'm cheating."
14. "Don't tell me something isn't my best if I worked my ass off. It might not be great, but it IS MY BEST. HELP ME."
15. "I wish teachers would let us have more EXPERIENCES without grading. I'd like to just WATCH the play, take it in, not write an essay."
They're questioning something I can't even get some of my own teachers to look inward and question: what do the grades have to do with anything? Does it tell how much they've learned or how well they jump through our hoops?
16. "My vice principal actually KNOWS me, actually SEES me. It's amazing. It's changing the whole way I see school."
Learn their names. Even the ones you don't teach. Make eye contact. Smile. Say hello and ask how they're doing, and really mean it. And stick around to hear the answer. I think my friend John Docherty is amazing at this. And not just with the kids.
17. "If I have a friend doing a similar assignment for the same class at another school, why SHOULDN'T we work together?"
18. "They tell us they want us to get along, be respectful to one another, but then they say that helping each other is cheating..."
They come back to this a bit again later. I have mixed feelings. I want them to socialize and collaborate their way through their assignments. I believe in projects over tests and writing over quizzes. But they need to learn how to be independent learners for some things as well. Here's one of those places in this set of comments where I would love to have been right there and asked them questions. After telling them how awesome and wise I thought they were.
19. "I can be good at something that is hard for me. I can love something that is hard for me. Don't discourage me."
Preach it, young person.
20. "It seems like the best teachers teach all the honours & AP classes. Shouldn't the kids who most need help get the best teachers?"
21. "Honours math is 8 kids and the BEST teacher. Remedial math is 30 kids and the newbie. How does this make sense?"
Oh my gosh, yes. It gets better.
22. "Honestly, the AP kids could teach THEMSELVES, teach EACH OTHER. The kids who struggle NEED A GREAT TEACHER"
23. "It's stupid. They think a great teacher has students with good grades. Shouldn't it be about how kids FEEL in that class?"
24. "We will learn more, and learn better, if we feel GOOD in the class, if we feel like we MATTER, like our lives MATTER."
Yes! YES YES YES!!! You are important, young people! Clearly you care about your learning! You care about how your time is being spent! We should love and appreciate that in you!
25. "I can like a teacher who is not my BFF, if he knows how to deliver the material in a way that is INTERESTING."
26. "There are teachers who try to teach the same way to everybody, but how do they not see that that doesn't work?"
Uh oh. Wisdom bomb....incoming!
27. "If you don't know me, if you don't get to know how I think, how I work, how I feel, how can you POSSIBLY know how to teach me?"
Oh my gosh, I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!
28. "Just because I can't learn the way you are teaching doesn't mean I can't LEARN."
Bracing for impact....
29. "If a teacher keeps teaching the SAME way over and over, even if the student isn't learning, WHO IS THE SLOW LEARNER?"
Damn. Truth.
30. "I'm a good student. I can get good grades and ace tests without necessarily LEARNING anything. That seems wrong."
31. "You can be good at DOING SCHOOL without necessarily being good at LEARNING or WORKING HARD."
I know. I've told countless students, teachers, and pretty much anyone who would listen that I was really good at the school game. I don't remember much that I learned in school, but I know I got good grades. I was the English major who didn't read any of the books and who still got all As and Bs, and graduated magna cum laude with a 3.7 GPA. I knew how to "do school." When I hit real life, I had to start playing a new game, and it's not one I was completely prepared for.
Like I said, when I saw these tweets shooting by in my stream this morning, I knew I had to collect them, harness their power, and share them. They really just speak for themselves. These are kids. They get it. They want to learn, and they want to be valued. We can do that, educators. Stop being a system and start being a human. I know I'm convicted.
Let me back up and explain a little first. This morning, I saw "Miss Night" (@happycampergirl on Twitter) share a number of deep thoughts in quick succession. They caught my eye, so I looked more closely at her tweets and saw what was unfolding around her, in a coffee shop in Canada.
Here was her first tweet on the subject:
"Coffeeshop. Eavedropping on HS students discussing what makes a great teacher. FASCINATING. #edchat"
And then the things they started to say. Oh my. Mind = blown. Turns out these two kids were about 16, probably high school juniors. No adult was leading the conversation. They were just sharing what they thought about school, teachers, and the education system in general. Below, I give their exact words (as recorded by Amy Night), followed at times by my own commentary in italics.
1. "A good teacher is proud of me, FOR me, not proud of me because it makes him look good."
2. "I don't care if a teacher is tough, as long as I know she cares about me."
3. "I want a teacher to say 'Yes, I will help you do great things,' not 'You will do great things because I said so.'"
4. "I want to be at a school where, even a teacher who has never taught me will help me if I ask."
5. "It is not okay for teachers to use us to make themselves look good."
6. "I don't want to be babied. I don't want to be spoon-fed. I want to be CARED about, and ready for the real world."
What's that old line? People don't care how much you know as much as they want to know how much you care? We've all been there, adults. We were teens once too. And we wondered, at times, who cared about our problems, who cared about our feelings, and who cared about our dreams. Those things haven't changed.
7. "If I want to do something hard, I want my teacher to believe I can do the hard thing, and help me to do it, not tell me I can't."
8. "My teachers should know me well enough to KNOW if my work is my best."
9. "I feel like I deserve more than one chance to master something. It should mean something that I WANT to try again."
10. "Shouldn't individual student success matter more than making the school look good on paper?"
11. "It is not okay for a teacher to give a test with questions about things we have never covered in class. That's an ambush."
So what I'm hearing here is that students really want to do good work. They want to know what we're expecting, and they want enough chances to get it right. These kids also seem to be battling something where they go to school, whether it's real or perceived, regarding their successes or failures being credited to (or maybe blamed on) their teachers.
12. "I will work a lot harder for a teacher who cares if she can tell I've been crying."
This just made me sad. But it's true. They can be emotional wrecks at this age. They don't always know how to handle all the stuff going on in their lives. And often, we adults (parents, teachers, et al.) don't help with all our own drama we push onto them. Sometimes, it's okay to just stop the school machine and ask what's wrong.
13. "If I get a good mark, I should feel like I LEARNED something, you know? Otherwise I feel like I'm cheating."
14. "Don't tell me something isn't my best if I worked my ass off. It might not be great, but it IS MY BEST. HELP ME."
15. "I wish teachers would let us have more EXPERIENCES without grading. I'd like to just WATCH the play, take it in, not write an essay."
They're questioning something I can't even get some of my own teachers to look inward and question: what do the grades have to do with anything? Does it tell how much they've learned or how well they jump through our hoops?
16. "My vice principal actually KNOWS me, actually SEES me. It's amazing. It's changing the whole way I see school."
Learn their names. Even the ones you don't teach. Make eye contact. Smile. Say hello and ask how they're doing, and really mean it. And stick around to hear the answer. I think my friend John Docherty is amazing at this. And not just with the kids.
17. "If I have a friend doing a similar assignment for the same class at another school, why SHOULDN'T we work together?"
18. "They tell us they want us to get along, be respectful to one another, but then they say that helping each other is cheating..."
They come back to this a bit again later. I have mixed feelings. I want them to socialize and collaborate their way through their assignments. I believe in projects over tests and writing over quizzes. But they need to learn how to be independent learners for some things as well. Here's one of those places in this set of comments where I would love to have been right there and asked them questions. After telling them how awesome and wise I thought they were.
19. "I can be good at something that is hard for me. I can love something that is hard for me. Don't discourage me."
Preach it, young person.
20. "It seems like the best teachers teach all the honours & AP classes. Shouldn't the kids who most need help get the best teachers?"
21. "Honours math is 8 kids and the BEST teacher. Remedial math is 30 kids and the newbie. How does this make sense?"
Oh my gosh, yes. It gets better.
22. "Honestly, the AP kids could teach THEMSELVES, teach EACH OTHER. The kids who struggle NEED A GREAT TEACHER"
23. "It's stupid. They think a great teacher has students with good grades. Shouldn't it be about how kids FEEL in that class?"
24. "We will learn more, and learn better, if we feel GOOD in the class, if we feel like we MATTER, like our lives MATTER."
Yes! YES YES YES!!! You are important, young people! Clearly you care about your learning! You care about how your time is being spent! We should love and appreciate that in you!
25. "I can like a teacher who is not my BFF, if he knows how to deliver the material in a way that is INTERESTING."
26. "There are teachers who try to teach the same way to everybody, but how do they not see that that doesn't work?"
Uh oh. Wisdom bomb....incoming!
27. "If you don't know me, if you don't get to know how I think, how I work, how I feel, how can you POSSIBLY know how to teach me?"
Oh my gosh, I KNOW, RIGHT?!?!
28. "Just because I can't learn the way you are teaching doesn't mean I can't LEARN."
Bracing for impact....
29. "If a teacher keeps teaching the SAME way over and over, even if the student isn't learning, WHO IS THE SLOW LEARNER?"
Damn. Truth.
30. "I'm a good student. I can get good grades and ace tests without necessarily LEARNING anything. That seems wrong."
31. "You can be good at DOING SCHOOL without necessarily being good at LEARNING or WORKING HARD."
I know. I've told countless students, teachers, and pretty much anyone who would listen that I was really good at the school game. I don't remember much that I learned in school, but I know I got good grades. I was the English major who didn't read any of the books and who still got all As and Bs, and graduated magna cum laude with a 3.7 GPA. I knew how to "do school." When I hit real life, I had to start playing a new game, and it's not one I was completely prepared for.
Like I said, when I saw these tweets shooting by in my stream this morning, I knew I had to collect them, harness their power, and share them. They really just speak for themselves. These are kids. They get it. They want to learn, and they want to be valued. We can do that, educators. Stop being a system and start being a human. I know I'm convicted.
Friday, November 08, 2013
Look Mom, No Hands!
Let me start by saying that I really like my son’s teachers and all the other adults that have worked with him and really taken to him at his new school. And no one has ever loved anyone as much as his teachers at his (and my) former school do. And having a son as unique and special as mine is has really forced me to take a long, hard, critical look at the teacher I once was.
So having said all that, I want to ask you to imagine something and then indulge me in a little rant I need to get off my chest. My eyes, heart, and mind have been irrevocably opened, and I feel the need to get other people to feel and know what I now feel and know.
Without meaning any disrespect to people who truly are born with physical differences or limitations, I want you to imagine for a moment that my son was born without hands.
If that were truly the case, teacher, would you really comment on my son’s cutting/coloring work as needing to be more carefully done? Would you really require him to write out everything the long way? Would you really grade his penmanship? Would you really embarrass him in front of his peers for not being able to correctly click on something on a computer screen? Would you really emphasize the things he can’t do like everyone else over the things he can do?
I am grateful every day that my son DOES have hands. But his hands don’t do the things his brain tells them to do quite the way we expect. And they don’t work along with what his eyes are seeing. It’s called visual motor integration, and his is pretty deficient. And he’s a lefty, so there’s only one type of scissors (thank you, Fiskars) that are TRULY made for him. And schools don’t have them, generally. So yeah, his cutting is a hot mess. And his coloring. And his handwriting a lot of the time. Because using his hands HURTS more often than not.
And about that connection to what his eyes see? Let’s talk about those eyes. Those gorgeous, kind, smiling blue eyes. They work just fine, according to the vision screening we had last week. What doesn’t do so great is his brain, with what his eyes have picked up. His short-term visual memory kind of sucks. That’s a technical term.
This means that when he’s copying something down from the board or a textbook or even another paper, he forgets what he just saw while he’s writing it. So he looks back. But then he forgets where he was in the source, and when he finally figures it out, he can’t remember on the paper where he was writing. Repeat ad nauseum. This means that everything takes him ages. Combine this torture with how difficult it is for him to get his hands to cooperate in the first place and, well, you get the picture.
So what I am eternally thankful for is when the teacher has him orally go over some math facts to show what he knows. And when he can underline and circle items in sentences instead of having to write out all the words. And when it’s okay for him to dictate to me, so I can dictate into the Dragon app, to send his story or essay to his email, so he can copy and paste it into a Google Document that he can revise, finish, and share with his teacher.
And I am grateful he’s getting quicker with keyboarding. And that at school they use Chromebooks. And that he gets extra time on tests and quizzes. And a teacher can ask him to respond orally to the test questions he skipped because he seriously didn’t even see them. And that his counselor’s door is always open for him. And that his science teacher has the kids do tons of hands-on activities and labs to better understand the topics they’re covering. And that they’re even flexible with when he can do the extra time he gets because it’s important for him to spend some recess time with the new friends he has made.
I am especially grateful that my son was made exactly how he is. All the body parts are there, and they work, just not maybe the way he, or we, or anyone else, expected them to. These things for now are just challenges to overcome. They’re not his fault. And when he asked me, when I told him this, whose fault it was, I told him what I’m telling you now. It’s nobody’s fault. It just IS.
It is how things are. And there will come a day when his life’s work and passion don’t require good penmanship or for him to have to write long hand at all. And there won’t be one right answer he has to guess at. And when he needs to do math, he’ll just use a calculator. There will come a day when he figures out what he wants to do with his life, and doing that will require him to be the funny, sweet, compassionate, imaginative guy he is.
Until then, I’ll just keep being his Mom and being in his corner. And teaching him how to advocate for himself so he can do it one day without my help. Until then, his hands hold mine just fine. His arms are great for hugging. His eyes don’t seem to forget to look to mine for reassurance when the world asks him to do the things that don’t come easy.
Tuesday, January 08, 2013
How to Know Another Person
I posted this almost exactly a year ago on Facebook, and when someone I know "liked" it today, it brought it back to my attention.
There is someone I know who should read this.
There is someone I know who should read this.
How to Know Another Person
I read this article and decided I wanted to answer these questions myself. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/unthinking/201112/how-know-another-person
1. What trait of yours do you most appreciate, and why?
I think I most appreciate that I care about the people I love, and I try to show them. So often, I feel completely isolated. I never want someone I love to feel that way when I am right here.
2. What trait do you wish you could change?
I worry too much, and that actually translates into me worrying about and imagining up so many possibilities and assuming bad things. When I don't hear from someone, I assume something bad has happened or somehow we've fallen out and I'm clueless.
3. What trait do you most admire in others?
Honesty. It doesn't have to be brutal, but never EVER lie to me.
4. What is your idea of a perfect day?
Sunshine, but not too hot. Outdoors, but not too dirty or far from plumbing. With someone or several someones who like me as I am, value what I bring to the relationship, and love food and laughter as much as I do.
5. What is your biggest dream?
I want to make a difference in the lives of a lot of people. I want to do that by helping other educators make learning exciting and fun and adventurous.
6. What do you most dislike?
I need alone time to get things done, but I absolutely HATE feeling alone. When I feel like, even surrounded by other people, no one really gets me or what I am feeling, I feel so isolated and sad.
7. What is your favorite word, and why did you choose it?
Bufanda. It's the Spanish word for scarf, and it's just a really fun word to say.
8. Do you believe in God?
Yes. And He believes in you. And me. WAY more than I ever will.
9. Do you believe in heaven? If yes, how do you describe it?
Yes. Heaven is being surrounded by God and all that is good, in a way we can't even imagine inside our puny human minds. Heaven is knowing all you ever need to know, and not really caring about all those things that seemed important when you were alive. Heaven is where my Dad knows how I feel, even though I never got to tell him again before he died.
10. What person or persons have inspired you, and what about them inspired you?
I'm always inspired by young people who do something extraordinary for their time and age, without regard for how the world might discount them because they haven't "arrived" yet. I'm way past the point in my life where I could make that kind of an inspiring impression on someone like me.
Monday, November 05, 2012
November 5 (part two): New Job, New Friends
In my adult life, I’ve had quite a few different jobs. I’ve been a teacher for most of that time, but I’ve also worked in a law office, done temp work in tech and insurance companies, worked in a bookstore, and worked in customer service for a short time in Ireland. I have to say that it’s fairly easy for me to make new friends. I seem to get along well with almost anyone, and I enjoy getting to know people and spending time with others.
Not counting substitute teaching, I’ve worked in six different schools now. In each new school, I’ve made new friends. There is something about teaching that really unites and bonds people. That is not to say that everyone on a school’s staff gets along or even likes everyone else. But I’ve always found a few folks with whom I’ve really clicked and it’s always made the challenges of teaching seem that much more surmountable.
One of the really tough aspects of changing jobs in education is that when you leave a school, you leave behind those friendships. You can always maintain the relationships, but if you move into another role in another place, you find you have less in common than you used to. You’re still friends, but it’s more like acquaintances than comrades in arms. Even when the moves have been good ones for me, I’ve mourned the loss of contact with people I’d become close to every time I’ve left a teaching job.
I’ve been at my new job three months. I’ve made some great new friends. It’s too early yet to know which friendships will last a long time, but I have the luxury of working with just about all the teachers at my campus in some capacity, so I’m getting to know a lot of new folks in a rather short time. It’s part of my job that I really enjoy.
But I was at my last school for the better part of fourteen years. People have come and gone, but the staff at my old school was my family in California. Some of those people had been with me through almost every life event since I moved from New Jersey in 1997. My husband and son have been a part of that school as well (and still are), but I am not there anymore. It leaves me, somewhat, with an awkward emptiness I feel guilty filling with new people.
The entire experience also leaves me wondering, “what is normal?” I would imagine that all the unsettledness I feel about this is natural. But am I not doing enough to keep in touch with people from my old job? I’m still connected to many of them through church. Is that enough? Should I be doing more? My life has gotten so busy, with work and increased attention needed for my son’s academic struggles, that I would feel guilty if I were doing more to maintain the friendships, because it would undoubtedly be at the expense of other areas that demand my attention.
When Alec and I lived in Ireland, and we talked about moving back to California, we told each other, “nothing will ever really be the same.” We’d been away. People were still in California, living their lives, doing their jobs, developing new friendships to somewhat replace the ones we’d been part of. I knew what it would be like, after having moved from New Jersey to California fifteen years ago. I still have friends there, and a number of them really stepped up when my Dad died, and have been there for me either during visits back home or via online means, such as Facebook.
I said earlier that it’s fairly easy for me to make new friends. Does that, or the fact that I generally have a large number of people I consider friends, devalue those friendships in some way? Do people generally believe that a smaller number of closer friends is a better thing than a large number of friends of all varieties? And should it matter to me what others think about the qualifications of a friendship?
I find myself asking these questions because I have many friends, but I am no longer sure who the close friends are. So many friendships have come and gone, though there are very few people with whom I am not on good terms. It’s just that there aren’t enough hours in the week to do the work required to keep up ongoing friendships with everyone I’ve met over the years. Should I be concerned, or should I just learn to accept things I can’t control?
Not counting substitute teaching, I’ve worked in six different schools now. In each new school, I’ve made new friends. There is something about teaching that really unites and bonds people. That is not to say that everyone on a school’s staff gets along or even likes everyone else. But I’ve always found a few folks with whom I’ve really clicked and it’s always made the challenges of teaching seem that much more surmountable.
One of the really tough aspects of changing jobs in education is that when you leave a school, you leave behind those friendships. You can always maintain the relationships, but if you move into another role in another place, you find you have less in common than you used to. You’re still friends, but it’s more like acquaintances than comrades in arms. Even when the moves have been good ones for me, I’ve mourned the loss of contact with people I’d become close to every time I’ve left a teaching job.
I’ve been at my new job three months. I’ve made some great new friends. It’s too early yet to know which friendships will last a long time, but I have the luxury of working with just about all the teachers at my campus in some capacity, so I’m getting to know a lot of new folks in a rather short time. It’s part of my job that I really enjoy.
But I was at my last school for the better part of fourteen years. People have come and gone, but the staff at my old school was my family in California. Some of those people had been with me through almost every life event since I moved from New Jersey in 1997. My husband and son have been a part of that school as well (and still are), but I am not there anymore. It leaves me, somewhat, with an awkward emptiness I feel guilty filling with new people.
The entire experience also leaves me wondering, “what is normal?” I would imagine that all the unsettledness I feel about this is natural. But am I not doing enough to keep in touch with people from my old job? I’m still connected to many of them through church. Is that enough? Should I be doing more? My life has gotten so busy, with work and increased attention needed for my son’s academic struggles, that I would feel guilty if I were doing more to maintain the friendships, because it would undoubtedly be at the expense of other areas that demand my attention.
When Alec and I lived in Ireland, and we talked about moving back to California, we told each other, “nothing will ever really be the same.” We’d been away. People were still in California, living their lives, doing their jobs, developing new friendships to somewhat replace the ones we’d been part of. I knew what it would be like, after having moved from New Jersey to California fifteen years ago. I still have friends there, and a number of them really stepped up when my Dad died, and have been there for me either during visits back home or via online means, such as Facebook.
I said earlier that it’s fairly easy for me to make new friends. Does that, or the fact that I generally have a large number of people I consider friends, devalue those friendships in some way? Do people generally believe that a smaller number of closer friends is a better thing than a large number of friends of all varieties? And should it matter to me what others think about the qualifications of a friendship?
I find myself asking these questions because I have many friends, but I am no longer sure who the close friends are. So many friendships have come and gone, though there are very few people with whom I am not on good terms. It’s just that there aren’t enough hours in the week to do the work required to keep up ongoing friendships with everyone I’ve met over the years. Should I be concerned, or should I just learn to accept things I can’t control?
November 5: The Most Solid Friendship of my Life
When I was a senior in college, I was awarded a scholarship-loan called Governor’s Teaching Scholars Program. My parents and I attended an acceptance dinner in New Brunswick, NJ where we sat with another high school senior and her parents. We found out we were both going into teaching at Trenton State College (now The College of New Jersey), and said, as you do, that we should look each other up when we got there.
Turns out we both lived on the same floor in the dorms and later were among a group of co-founders of a new co-ed fraternity on our campus. She was in Elementary Education, and I was in Secondary, but we became friends and spent a lot of time together. I was also quite good friends with her freshman year roommate throughout our four years.
Time passed, we graduated, I got married, we were both teaching in the same area, and she ended up dating a friend of my husband’s for a while and spent a lot of time at our place. She ended up moving to Central Jersey (where I was living) and teaching there, and we continued to have a lot of really great times, up to and including all the friendship and support she gave me when my now-ex and I split up, I moved out, and eventually moved to California. I hung in there with her through some interesting relationships of her own.
On a visit back after moving cross-country, I met her new boyfriend. They attended my wedding to my husband in 1999, and we attended their wedding in 2001. We both stayed in teaching and stayed in touch. We both got pregnant several years after our weddings, and she was due first, but my son arrived early before hers. After each of our doctor’s visits, through our shared pregnancy experience, we always called the other right away. Compared notes. Shared our hopes, anticipation, anxieties, fears.
Any time I am back in New Jersey, I always spend at least one overnight at their house. My husband and son have joined me on these trips, and our families get along magically. She and her husband also have a daughter now, but our sons started school at the same time, went through developmental ups and downs together, and even started Cub Scouts together . . . 3000 miles apart.
Sometimes, like recently, we’ll go months without talking. Life just gets busy. You know how that goes. But every time we do talk, we just pick up where we left off, catch up, laugh, cry, and wish the distance were smaller. We’ve gone through moves, job and career changes, health issues, losses of family members, extended family drama and events, and even though we don’t talk all that often, when we see each other in person, it’s like only a few days has passed. Even if our boys are a foot taller than the last time they saw each other.
To me, this is the friendship that has persevered through time and across miles the strongest because of a mutual love and respect I’ve never found with anyone else. We get each other. We have enough in common, but are different enough, that somehow we are a perfect fit for one another as friends. Are we “best friends”? I hardly think one could apply such a label to two people who go years without seeing one another and months without a phone call. But is there really such a thing as a “best friend” anyway?
I just know this: when my father died, it was sudden and unexpected. Smitty, the friend I’ve been describing, was the first person I called after speaking with family and finding out. We’ve always known and loved each other’s parents, since the day we met, really. She asked me when I’d be getting to town, and then she got childcare for the day of the viewing, and brought her kids along the day of the funeral, and she never left my side through the entire ordeal. Which I went through alone, as we couldn’t afford for all three of us to travel to New Jersey from California.
I worry that, when that day comes for my beloved friend, I won’t be able to return the favor because of how far away I live. But it wasn’t a favor anyway. It wasn’t a duty. It’s just what you do for someone you love like a sister.
Turns out we both lived on the same floor in the dorms and later were among a group of co-founders of a new co-ed fraternity on our campus. She was in Elementary Education, and I was in Secondary, but we became friends and spent a lot of time together. I was also quite good friends with her freshman year roommate throughout our four years.
Time passed, we graduated, I got married, we were both teaching in the same area, and she ended up dating a friend of my husband’s for a while and spent a lot of time at our place. She ended up moving to Central Jersey (where I was living) and teaching there, and we continued to have a lot of really great times, up to and including all the friendship and support she gave me when my now-ex and I split up, I moved out, and eventually moved to California. I hung in there with her through some interesting relationships of her own.
On a visit back after moving cross-country, I met her new boyfriend. They attended my wedding to my husband in 1999, and we attended their wedding in 2001. We both stayed in teaching and stayed in touch. We both got pregnant several years after our weddings, and she was due first, but my son arrived early before hers. After each of our doctor’s visits, through our shared pregnancy experience, we always called the other right away. Compared notes. Shared our hopes, anticipation, anxieties, fears.
Any time I am back in New Jersey, I always spend at least one overnight at their house. My husband and son have joined me on these trips, and our families get along magically. She and her husband also have a daughter now, but our sons started school at the same time, went through developmental ups and downs together, and even started Cub Scouts together . . . 3000 miles apart.
Sometimes, like recently, we’ll go months without talking. Life just gets busy. You know how that goes. But every time we do talk, we just pick up where we left off, catch up, laugh, cry, and wish the distance were smaller. We’ve gone through moves, job and career changes, health issues, losses of family members, extended family drama and events, and even though we don’t talk all that often, when we see each other in person, it’s like only a few days has passed. Even if our boys are a foot taller than the last time they saw each other.
To me, this is the friendship that has persevered through time and across miles the strongest because of a mutual love and respect I’ve never found with anyone else. We get each other. We have enough in common, but are different enough, that somehow we are a perfect fit for one another as friends. Are we “best friends”? I hardly think one could apply such a label to two people who go years without seeing one another and months without a phone call. But is there really such a thing as a “best friend” anyway?
I just know this: when my father died, it was sudden and unexpected. Smitty, the friend I’ve been describing, was the first person I called after speaking with family and finding out. We’ve always known and loved each other’s parents, since the day we met, really. She asked me when I’d be getting to town, and then she got childcare for the day of the viewing, and brought her kids along the day of the funeral, and she never left my side through the entire ordeal. Which I went through alone, as we couldn’t afford for all three of us to travel to New Jersey from California.
I worry that, when that day comes for my beloved friend, I won’t be able to return the favor because of how far away I live. But it wasn’t a favor anyway. It wasn’t a duty. It’s just what you do for someone you love like a sister.
Friday, November 02, 2012
November 2: Development of the Concept of Friendship
When I was a kid growing up in New Jersey, I had a “best friend” who was my neighbor. Apparently, we met as babies over the back wall where my driveway and her backyard met. That’s all I ever remember being told.
We did everything together, including walking to school together every day for our entire academic careers up to high school. We went on day trips and vacations with each other’s families. We went to camp together during four consecutive summers. She was an only child, and I was the youngest of four, so I had hand-me-down clothes, toys, and books while she had brand new everything. And she DID have everything. My aunt lived with us. Her grandfather lived with them. This extra adult in each household supported the “go everywhere” mentality and spoiled us both when our parents could not.
Throughout this whole time, she was the leader, and I was the follower. People who know me as an adult may find this hard to imagine. But people who know me REALLY well understand me to be a highly sensitive person, and know that I don’t like conflict and confrontation. She had all the best stuff, and I came to believe that she had all the best plans and ideas too.
The first time I really felt a change in the friendship was during April of our eighth grade year. If you’ve read enough Paula Danziger and Judy Blume from that time, you know that a young girl’s coming-of-age event, one that is biological in nature, and one that is not something I will openly name, due in part to my British heritage forcing me to be awkward about just certain things . . . I digress . . . anyway, you know that it’s supposed to be a big deal, that best friends talk about it, and that if one is a best friend, one knows when it happens for your best friend before anyone else does.
So, there it was, April of my eighth grade year, and it happened for me, FINALLY, and I told my best friend. Since she had never told me about her Aunt Flo coming to visit, I assumed that FOR ONCE I was first with something. Totally blasé, sister friend was like, yeah? I’ve been having mine for (and then whatever span of time was dropped on me like a bomb at that moment, I do not recall).
Really? REALLY? And then, come to find out, other girls knew. I didn’t know. She had never told me. Whaaaaat?
So, clearly, I got this friendship thing all wrong.
But whatever. Then, as we were taking the placement tests near the end of eighth grade, we tried to make sure we’d be in the same class in high school, so we each put the preference we thought the other put. I put Algebra I. She put Algebra IA. Aaaah! When we found out, we each went and changed our forms. I put Algebra IA. She put Algebra I. And that’s what ended up happening when our schedules were created.
Due to our last names being in the same chunk of the alphabet, we had the same homeroom teacher, but our class schedules had little else in common from that point forward. This was step two, I believe.
As we continued in high school, I took every “A” (for accelerated) class that was offered. They didn’t have AP classes at that time, so I guess it was the equivalent of “Honors.” She took whatever she took. I made friends in all my classes, but we were always best friends, this first one and I. I got involved in music, and later, theatre as well. She got involved in dating boys with cars.
I was never all that into dating. Or other stuff I was, apparently, supposed to be doing as a high school girl. I didn’t wear make-up. I liked plenty of boys, but I never even had a real boyfriend until my senior year. By that point, I had long since stopped going by my friend’s house in the mornings before school to walk to school with her.
(She had never come by my house to get ME for school. I always thought it was because her house was one house closer to school up through eighth grade, but then MY house was one house closer to the high school . . . and . . . so . . . . . ?)
I had a tight group of friends through band and theatre. She tried getting involved in marching band, and even got her boyfriend to join as well. It may have been an attempt to meet me in my world. It didn’t last all that long. And that was fine. I was doing my thing, I had purpose, and I was happy.
By graduation, we were two completely different people. And I was okay with that. I had a boyfriend I had been with for most of senior year. I was going off to college about an hour or so away. It had been so long since we had really been close or hung out much, I didn’t miss the friendship.
College was great. I had a whole new posse of friends. I got close to a few of them and we’re still in touch today. I met someone I consider my closest friend today, who knows so much about me, and who accepts me and loves me, and she’s a topic for another post. We also live an entire continent apart, which is some of why she gets her own blog update.
A couple of times in college, when I was home on a weekend or break, my first best friend and I tried to hang out and whatever, but it was forced and not really comfortable.
And then, the pinnacle of awkward arrived when my old friend and her parents came to the viewing when my father passed away. I definitely appreciated their being there, but it really drove home the point that she and I had never really had all that much in common. Except, I guess, the wall between our yards, over which we first met.
We did everything together, including walking to school together every day for our entire academic careers up to high school. We went on day trips and vacations with each other’s families. We went to camp together during four consecutive summers. She was an only child, and I was the youngest of four, so I had hand-me-down clothes, toys, and books while she had brand new everything. And she DID have everything. My aunt lived with us. Her grandfather lived with them. This extra adult in each household supported the “go everywhere” mentality and spoiled us both when our parents could not.
Throughout this whole time, she was the leader, and I was the follower. People who know me as an adult may find this hard to imagine. But people who know me REALLY well understand me to be a highly sensitive person, and know that I don’t like conflict and confrontation. She had all the best stuff, and I came to believe that she had all the best plans and ideas too.
The first time I really felt a change in the friendship was during April of our eighth grade year. If you’ve read enough Paula Danziger and Judy Blume from that time, you know that a young girl’s coming-of-age event, one that is biological in nature, and one that is not something I will openly name, due in part to my British heritage forcing me to be awkward about just certain things . . . I digress . . . anyway, you know that it’s supposed to be a big deal, that best friends talk about it, and that if one is a best friend, one knows when it happens for your best friend before anyone else does.
So, there it was, April of my eighth grade year, and it happened for me, FINALLY, and I told my best friend. Since she had never told me about her Aunt Flo coming to visit, I assumed that FOR ONCE I was first with something. Totally blasé, sister friend was like, yeah? I’ve been having mine for (and then whatever span of time was dropped on me like a bomb at that moment, I do not recall).
Really? REALLY? And then, come to find out, other girls knew. I didn’t know. She had never told me. Whaaaaat?
So, clearly, I got this friendship thing all wrong.
But whatever. Then, as we were taking the placement tests near the end of eighth grade, we tried to make sure we’d be in the same class in high school, so we each put the preference we thought the other put. I put Algebra I. She put Algebra IA. Aaaah! When we found out, we each went and changed our forms. I put Algebra IA. She put Algebra I. And that’s what ended up happening when our schedules were created.
Due to our last names being in the same chunk of the alphabet, we had the same homeroom teacher, but our class schedules had little else in common from that point forward. This was step two, I believe.
As we continued in high school, I took every “A” (for accelerated) class that was offered. They didn’t have AP classes at that time, so I guess it was the equivalent of “Honors.” She took whatever she took. I made friends in all my classes, but we were always best friends, this first one and I. I got involved in music, and later, theatre as well. She got involved in dating boys with cars.
I was never all that into dating. Or other stuff I was, apparently, supposed to be doing as a high school girl. I didn’t wear make-up. I liked plenty of boys, but I never even had a real boyfriend until my senior year. By that point, I had long since stopped going by my friend’s house in the mornings before school to walk to school with her.
(She had never come by my house to get ME for school. I always thought it was because her house was one house closer to school up through eighth grade, but then MY house was one house closer to the high school . . . and . . . so . . . . . ?)
I had a tight group of friends through band and theatre. She tried getting involved in marching band, and even got her boyfriend to join as well. It may have been an attempt to meet me in my world. It didn’t last all that long. And that was fine. I was doing my thing, I had purpose, and I was happy.
By graduation, we were two completely different people. And I was okay with that. I had a boyfriend I had been with for most of senior year. I was going off to college about an hour or so away. It had been so long since we had really been close or hung out much, I didn’t miss the friendship.
College was great. I had a whole new posse of friends. I got close to a few of them and we’re still in touch today. I met someone I consider my closest friend today, who knows so much about me, and who accepts me and loves me, and she’s a topic for another post. We also live an entire continent apart, which is some of why she gets her own blog update.
A couple of times in college, when I was home on a weekend or break, my first best friend and I tried to hang out and whatever, but it was forced and not really comfortable.
And then, the pinnacle of awkward arrived when my old friend and her parents came to the viewing when my father passed away. I definitely appreciated their being there, but it really drove home the point that she and I had never really had all that much in common. Except, I guess, the wall between our yards, over which we first met.
Thursday, November 01, 2012
November 1: Let the DigiWriMo Begin! (50K in 30 days)
I've decided to take on the challenge of writing 50,000 words (digitally) during the month of November. That's an average of 1,667 words per day. Once I get on a tear, I can knock out 1500-2000 words in a sitting no problem, so I am hoping this won't be too difficult a challenge for me.
I'm not completely sure how Digital Writing Month ("DigiWriMo") works as far as content is concerned, but I think there are some activities and prompts scattered throughout the month. In the meantime, I have been thinking a lot about the topic of friendship recently. I've changed jobs recently, and I live on the other side of the continent from all the people with whom I grew up. I've been in California for fifteen years now, but I have been in a few different jobs, so the pool of potential friends has shifted quite a bit over those years.
So in the past few months, as I make new friends at my new job and adjust to having left the old one, I've been mulling over this entire concept of friendship. How do we define it? Why does it mean different things to different people? What shapes our view of friendship and the value we place on friends in our lives?
I'm going to look back through some of the friendships I have had in my lifetime and reflect on why I think they worked out well, and possibly why they no longer exist today. That will be my plan for DigiWriMo, plus whatever else the organizers of the project throw at me.
I'm not completely sure how Digital Writing Month ("DigiWriMo") works as far as content is concerned, but I think there are some activities and prompts scattered throughout the month. In the meantime, I have been thinking a lot about the topic of friendship recently. I've changed jobs recently, and I live on the other side of the continent from all the people with whom I grew up. I've been in California for fifteen years now, but I have been in a few different jobs, so the pool of potential friends has shifted quite a bit over those years.
So in the past few months, as I make new friends at my new job and adjust to having left the old one, I've been mulling over this entire concept of friendship. How do we define it? Why does it mean different things to different people? What shapes our view of friendship and the value we place on friends in our lives?
I'm going to look back through some of the friendships I have had in my lifetime and reflect on why I think they worked out well, and possibly why they no longer exist today. That will be my plan for DigiWriMo, plus whatever else the organizers of the project throw at me.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
One Chapter Ends, and Another Begins
I got some really exciting news on Tuesday night. I had been having a bit of a rough day, with March 27th being the anniversary of my Dad's passing, but the date got some new meaning for me right around 5:30 PM.
Last week, I interviewed for a new job. Tuesday night, I learned that I was chosen for the position.
I currently work at Milpitas Christian School, a private preK-8 school where I've been employed for twelve years. (And for about a year and a half before that as a contractor.) I've had a number of roles there, most recently technology teacher for grades one through eight. In the past few years, I've really ramped up how much professional development delivery I've been involved with, and I have wanted that to be my primary job role for some time. But the circumstances at MCS really didn't allow for that, and I've quite happily been teaching in my lab for the past six years, working with almost all the kids in the school. And, I think, really making a difference in terms of preparing them to be more active, engaged learners with a slew of mad tech skillz. If I may say so myself.
This is a little complicated. My son goes to my school, and it's very important to me that he continue to do so. The Christian Biblical worldview, the outdoor education program, the fantastic staff, and -- yes -- the technology program are just a few of the incredibly valuable aspects of his MCS education. That's not going to change. MCS is my family. My son's family. I'm keeping him there for as long as I can.
I said MCS is my family. It's true. They knew me before I met my husband. When we got married. When I moved to Ireland, and when I returned. Throughout my pregnancy and for all of my son's life. My husband has no family in this country, and I have no family in California. Except the MCS family. So, in a way, it feels like I'm graduating, growing up, and moving off to college or something. I love being surrounded by supportive folks who pray for each other daily. So that is something I'm going to miss.
So, where am I heading off to? Five miles from our house. I've accepted the role of Assistant Director of Instructional Technology (Upper School) at The Harker School here in San Jose, California. Most of my job will be professional development and technology integration with high school teachers and staff. But I will also get to teach at least one semester a year. I don't want to leave the classroom entirely, so this looks like it will be the perfect blend for me.
I think one thing that has helped me be an authentic facilitator of professional development has been my daily contact with students. I don't tell other teachers what I think they should do; I share what my students, colleagues, and I are doing together. I don't think I can be a good lead learner if I leave the classroom completely. I'm very happy to report that The Harker School supports and encourages presenting at conferences and those kinds of outside activities with which I'm already involved.
I'm very excited about this new opportunity, and I am eternally grateful for all the love, support, encouragement, prayer, and well-wishes I have received from many, MANY people along this journey. I have not yet figured out how I am going to share my news with my students. All three hundred or so of them. I think some of them will read this blog post and the word will be out.
I will miss their smiling faces, missing teeth, and hugs. I won't miss the nose picking. (Gosh, I hope my high schoolers don't do that!) But I'm not going away. I will still be a part of the MCS family as a parent and as a volunteer. I'll still be involved in our Cub Scout pack that meets at the school (though my role there will need to change somewhat). But I know that this is the right thing for me to do at this point in my family's life.
I prayed repeatedly that God would only allow me to leave MCS for the right new path. Over the past few years, I've had a couple of false starts thinking I had found that path. God closed those doors so that I would be ready when this one opened.
And I'm ready.
Last week, I interviewed for a new job. Tuesday night, I learned that I was chosen for the position.
I currently work at Milpitas Christian School, a private preK-8 school where I've been employed for twelve years. (And for about a year and a half before that as a contractor.) I've had a number of roles there, most recently technology teacher for grades one through eight. In the past few years, I've really ramped up how much professional development delivery I've been involved with, and I have wanted that to be my primary job role for some time. But the circumstances at MCS really didn't allow for that, and I've quite happily been teaching in my lab for the past six years, working with almost all the kids in the school. And, I think, really making a difference in terms of preparing them to be more active, engaged learners with a slew of mad tech skillz. If I may say so myself.
This is a little complicated. My son goes to my school, and it's very important to me that he continue to do so. The Christian Biblical worldview, the outdoor education program, the fantastic staff, and -- yes -- the technology program are just a few of the incredibly valuable aspects of his MCS education. That's not going to change. MCS is my family. My son's family. I'm keeping him there for as long as I can.
I said MCS is my family. It's true. They knew me before I met my husband. When we got married. When I moved to Ireland, and when I returned. Throughout my pregnancy and for all of my son's life. My husband has no family in this country, and I have no family in California. Except the MCS family. So, in a way, it feels like I'm graduating, growing up, and moving off to college or something. I love being surrounded by supportive folks who pray for each other daily. So that is something I'm going to miss.
So, where am I heading off to? Five miles from our house. I've accepted the role of Assistant Director of Instructional Technology (Upper School) at The Harker School here in San Jose, California. Most of my job will be professional development and technology integration with high school teachers and staff. But I will also get to teach at least one semester a year. I don't want to leave the classroom entirely, so this looks like it will be the perfect blend for me.
I think one thing that has helped me be an authentic facilitator of professional development has been my daily contact with students. I don't tell other teachers what I think they should do; I share what my students, colleagues, and I are doing together. I don't think I can be a good lead learner if I leave the classroom completely. I'm very happy to report that The Harker School supports and encourages presenting at conferences and those kinds of outside activities with which I'm already involved.
I'm very excited about this new opportunity, and I am eternally grateful for all the love, support, encouragement, prayer, and well-wishes I have received from many, MANY people along this journey. I have not yet figured out how I am going to share my news with my students. All three hundred or so of them. I think some of them will read this blog post and the word will be out.
I will miss their smiling faces, missing teeth, and hugs. I won't miss the nose picking. (Gosh, I hope my high schoolers don't do that!) But I'm not going away. I will still be a part of the MCS family as a parent and as a volunteer. I'll still be involved in our Cub Scout pack that meets at the school (though my role there will need to change somewhat). But I know that this is the right thing for me to do at this point in my family's life.
I prayed repeatedly that God would only allow me to leave MCS for the right new path. Over the past few years, I've had a couple of false starts thinking I had found that path. God closed those doors so that I would be ready when this one opened.
And I'm ready.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Better than a goofy present....
I thought it would be a good idea, instead of spending money we don't have, to show my husband how much I really appreciate him with something that can't die (like flowers) or be eaten (like chocolates, though he does like those). So I'm thinking back to when he and I were just dating, and he made a list of 100 reasons why he loves me. (Wish I could find that list now . . . sigh.)
I've been considering for a few months now that I really should tell the entire world how wonderful my husband is. So I will. Or, you know, I'll tell YOU, dear reader.
First of all, if you don't already know this about me, I'm involved in a lot of stuff in addition to my job. I travel a fair amount to do independent contract work and for-my-own-edification presenting and speaking at EdTech conferences and other events. I also co-host two podcast/vodcast shows for EdReach.us, lead a Cub Scout den, serve as President on the Board of a non-profit, co-direct a teacher professional development program, and perform in a musical/theatrical event or two at church each year.
I'm not telling you all this to make myself look good. I'm telling you so that you can grasp the true gravity of how fantastic my husband is.
As it is, when I am home, he does the dishes, does the laundry for all three of us, and takes care of everything around the house. So when I am away, he also does ALL the child care and school stuff for our eight-year old son. Many nights, he already takes care of most of the parenting stuff at our house. In fact, every morning, he gets our boy up, dressed, fed, and ready for school. He also makes the lunch Cameron takes with him each day. When there's a field trip, Alec goes along as a parent driver whenever he can.
The more I write, the more I start to believe that I don't actually serve a purpose at my house.
My husband does pretty much everything. He takes amazing care of me and my son, and he is incredibly supportive of all the stuff I have pulling me in a hundred different directions in any given week.
We don't always agree on everything, and sometimes we disagree pretty strongly. But if there is ever a time when it turns out I am right, he -- brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen (especially all you ladies who are by now quite jealous of my life) -- admits he was wrong and apologizes. And he really means it.
When I'm about to go on a long driving trip, he checks out all the stuff in my car (oil, washer fluid, tires, etc.) to make sure everything is good to go. He also checks with me to see if there is anything I need laundered to take with me, even before I start packing.
Even though grocery shopping is one of my few chores, if I am away or if I just get too busy with other stuff, he will go do that too. I don't bring home as much grading as I used to, but when I did, he often helped with that as well. When I'm working away on my computer, he comes and asks me if I want a cup of tea. He makes me dinner. He brings me a bowl of ice cream. When we have family visit from out of town, Alec is the one who gets everything ready, and often -- as is the case this month when I'll be away a bunch -- organizes everything and gets people where they're going in my absence.
Now, you're probably assuming my husband is a stay-at-home Dad. But he's actually self-employed, works every day outside the home (including weekends), and helps out with Cub Scouts during the winter months when it gets dark earlier and his outdoor classes stop at dusk. And one of his students in the classes he teaches is our son.
Speaking of doing stuff together, Alec is always working on some kind of "project" with Cameron. Sometimes it's school related, but often they're building something or making up a new game or working in the yard. My son is learning responsibility and how to be a man from the best role model he could hope for. He's taken him ice skating, swimming, and scooter riding. They dance and sing to classic rock. They watch Laurel and Hardy movies. They read Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol together, complete with funny voices, this past December.
If I even tried to buy a greeting card or silly gift, it would dishonor how much my husband means to me and what a great partner and father he is. Alec and I both despise the commerciality of this "holiday" because we think it's silly to have just one day out of the year to express your love for someone you've chosen to spend your life with.
Since I don't do enough every other day of the year to tell him, though, I'm hoping what I've written here will begin to show what I never say enough out loud. This is the fourteenth Valentine's Day since we met, and I finally think I understand how much I depend on and adore my husband.
I've been considering for a few months now that I really should tell the entire world how wonderful my husband is. So I will. Or, you know, I'll tell YOU, dear reader.
First of all, if you don't already know this about me, I'm involved in a lot of stuff in addition to my job. I travel a fair amount to do independent contract work and for-my-own-edification presenting and speaking at EdTech conferences and other events. I also co-host two podcast/vodcast shows for EdReach.us, lead a Cub Scout den, serve as President on the Board of a non-profit, co-direct a teacher professional development program, and perform in a musical/theatrical event or two at church each year.
I'm not telling you all this to make myself look good. I'm telling you so that you can grasp the true gravity of how fantastic my husband is.
As it is, when I am home, he does the dishes, does the laundry for all three of us, and takes care of everything around the house. So when I am away, he also does ALL the child care and school stuff for our eight-year old son. Many nights, he already takes care of most of the parenting stuff at our house. In fact, every morning, he gets our boy up, dressed, fed, and ready for school. He also makes the lunch Cameron takes with him each day. When there's a field trip, Alec goes along as a parent driver whenever he can.
The more I write, the more I start to believe that I don't actually serve a purpose at my house.
My husband does pretty much everything. He takes amazing care of me and my son, and he is incredibly supportive of all the stuff I have pulling me in a hundred different directions in any given week.
We don't always agree on everything, and sometimes we disagree pretty strongly. But if there is ever a time when it turns out I am right, he -- brace yourselves, ladies and gentlemen (especially all you ladies who are by now quite jealous of my life) -- admits he was wrong and apologizes. And he really means it.
When I'm about to go on a long driving trip, he checks out all the stuff in my car (oil, washer fluid, tires, etc.) to make sure everything is good to go. He also checks with me to see if there is anything I need laundered to take with me, even before I start packing.
Even though grocery shopping is one of my few chores, if I am away or if I just get too busy with other stuff, he will go do that too. I don't bring home as much grading as I used to, but when I did, he often helped with that as well. When I'm working away on my computer, he comes and asks me if I want a cup of tea. He makes me dinner. He brings me a bowl of ice cream. When we have family visit from out of town, Alec is the one who gets everything ready, and often -- as is the case this month when I'll be away a bunch -- organizes everything and gets people where they're going in my absence.
Now, you're probably assuming my husband is a stay-at-home Dad. But he's actually self-employed, works every day outside the home (including weekends), and helps out with Cub Scouts during the winter months when it gets dark earlier and his outdoor classes stop at dusk. And one of his students in the classes he teaches is our son.
Speaking of doing stuff together, Alec is always working on some kind of "project" with Cameron. Sometimes it's school related, but often they're building something or making up a new game or working in the yard. My son is learning responsibility and how to be a man from the best role model he could hope for. He's taken him ice skating, swimming, and scooter riding. They dance and sing to classic rock. They watch Laurel and Hardy movies. They read Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol together, complete with funny voices, this past December.
If I even tried to buy a greeting card or silly gift, it would dishonor how much my husband means to me and what a great partner and father he is. Alec and I both despise the commerciality of this "holiday" because we think it's silly to have just one day out of the year to express your love for someone you've chosen to spend your life with.
Since I don't do enough every other day of the year to tell him, though, I'm hoping what I've written here will begin to show what I never say enough out loud. This is the fourteenth Valentine's Day since we met, and I finally think I understand how much I depend on and adore my husband.
Friday, April 29, 2011
I Want a New Answer
Via Flickr:
After going horseback riding in Half Moon Bay with four of my girlfriends from work, we went to Cameron's Pub to celebrate Cristine's birthday, which is this weekend. This was a toy fortune telling type thingy on our table. Instagram-ed it, X-Pro II filter.
After going horseback riding in Half Moon Bay with four of my girlfriends from work, we went to Cameron's Pub to celebrate Cristine's birthday, which is this weekend. This was a toy fortune telling type thingy on our table. Instagram-ed it, X-Pro II filter.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Slurp!
Via Flickr:
I took my son to Capitola for the day and we went to a place (new to us) called My Thai Beach along the Esplanade. He did pretty well with these egg noodles with chicken, shrimp, and vegetables. It took a few attempts to get what I was going for here. Used Instagram to edit ti and share it with people online. It's the X-Pro II filter with a tilt-shift.
I took my son to Capitola for the day and we went to a place (new to us) called My Thai Beach along the Esplanade. He did pretty well with these egg noodles with chicken, shrimp, and vegetables. It took a few attempts to get what I was going for here. Used Instagram to edit ti and share it with people online. It's the X-Pro II filter with a tilt-shift.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Baby Blue
Via Flickr:
This morning, I took way too many pictures of my son making way too many goofy faces. I have always wanted a picture that isolates his blue eyes.
So I cheated. I got in REAL close. I put it through Decolorizer on my iPad. And then I used Instagram to boost it even more with a filter.
But it made me happy.
This morning, I took way too many pictures of my son making way too many goofy faces. I have always wanted a picture that isolates his blue eyes.
So I cheated. I got in REAL close. I put it through Decolorizer on my iPad. And then I used Instagram to boost it even more with a filter.
But it made me happy.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Respite
Via Flickr:
It was hard to pick a favorite from my visit to Skywalker Ranch, but I saw these two chairs, and they conjured up for me a fairytale romance of a long bygone couple. I loved what I could see and what the camera managed to somewhat pick up, considering it was all just a fantasy in my mind.
It was hard to pick a favorite from my visit to Skywalker Ranch, but I saw these two chairs, and they conjured up for me a fairytale romance of a long bygone couple. I loved what I could see and what the camera managed to somewhat pick up, considering it was all just a fantasy in my mind.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Paths Converge
Via Flickr:
This one is also from Skywalker Ranch, but I had nothing for the actual day. I think I deserve props for not giving up and going back to put in 17 days worth of pics after the fact.
This one is also from Skywalker Ranch, but I had nothing for the actual day. I think I deserve props for not giving up and going back to put in 17 days worth of pics after the fact.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Japanese Maple
Via Flickr:
I actually took this from my Skywalker Ranch set, as I had a few days there with no pics, and this day produced so many great ones. I took this over my head where I couldn't really see what I was doing, and I am in love with it.
I actually took this from my Skywalker Ranch set, as I had a few days there with no pics, and this day produced so many great ones. I took this over my head where I couldn't really see what I was doing, and I am in love with it.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Cam with a Lolly
Via Flickr:
I was working all day, so hubby took our boy to the church candy hunt event. I hear it was insane. But the boy scored. And that's what Jesus' Resurrection is all about, isn't it?
I was working all day, so hubby took our boy to the church candy hunt event. I hear it was insane. But the boy scored. And that's what Jesus' Resurrection is all about, isn't it?
Friday, April 22, 2011
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